Lost

I lost a good friend of 9 yrs and her son to a murder suicide last month. Both mama and son were inseparable duo and her husband was a quiet soft spoken person. I got introduced to her by a mutual friend. She ran a home based beauty salon and she lived in my neighborhood. I watched the local evening news and couldn’t believe seeing yellow tape around her car at her house on TV. I ran to her house immediately and got the worst news. I was in disbelief  and sat down on the cold road in front of her house crying.  The whole indian community is in shock hearing this news since most of them were her customers. She was so good in her job and had a loyal following. She was a warm person and made every body feel happy when we went to her home and kept such clean house.

I went thru the first stages of mourning with anger and tears. It’s been almost three weeks and not a day /hour goes by without thinking about her and her dear son. We three had such good time at her house when I visited them two weeks before this ghastly incident. Never ever saw any signs of domestic abuse or violence not once. She always said to me she was lucky to have such husband. Don’t know what drove him to take such violence on the people he loved and cared the most. Even if come to know why it happened it doesn't matter since I am not going to get my dear friend back.

Last winter we had worst snow storm for two weeks with  3- 4 ft of snow on the roads.  I wanted to get my face and hair done at least a week before our travel but we stayed indoors due to worst snow storm .When I got 2 hr break the night before my trip, I called her and got an last minute appt . It usually takes 5 minutes to drive up to her house; instead it took more than 30 minutes due to the heavy accumulation of snow on the roads. When I tried to stop the car lost control and slid like a toy car. While trying to control the car, I thought of 8.5 months old NR and I cursed myself for taking a stupid decision of driving out that night. I was able to park the car 4 houses down the road . I almost fell down thrice walking on the icy pavements. After my appt, my sweet, sweet friend V sensed my nervousness and decided (forced me) to go with me to my car stating she had winter boots which has good traction than my shoes. We walked like little girls holding hands, giggling, joking and managing take one step at a time. When we reached my car, we both realized that I’d left her New Year’s gift for NR back at her home. I was in a hurry to return home to feed NR but she pleaded me to wait. She walked back to her house and brought back the diaper bag she wanted me to carry during my India trip. And I did .I am going to treasure thatbag since it has my friend’s touch and love. I am praying to god to give me strength to bear her absence.

Everyday when I look at myself in the mirror, I think to myself I need to call V to get appt for eyebrows. Then the news of her death sinks in and cry to my heart’s content. NR senses my grief and sadness. When he spots tears rolling down my eyes, he reaches for me. His little hands wrapping my shoulders warms me. I am happy and thankful that we had such good time when I met her for the last time with her dear son R. I still feel their warm hugs and happy good byes.

I went to their funeral and was not able to say good bye . Not sure when I will. How do say goodbye to a good friend? Dear R betah, C mausi misses you and your mom so much. Hope you are both in a warm ,secure and happy place.