Hope

What  an amazing day today watching each Chilean miner come out of the tunnel to the ground. The relief and happiness displayed on everybody face around them was priceless to watch.

As rightly said by the famous chilean journalist/reporter - From this day chile will no longer be remembered for the military coup led by General Augusto Pinochet Ugarte but for this miraculous rescue effort.

• For Atheists this day symbolizes the power of man and technology


• For billions of people who believe in God this day symbolizes power of prayer and strengthened our Faith.  It was amazing to watch an entire country praying for miners.

              " More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of " ( a  line from Morte D Arthur)

But for all, this day symbolizes the power of Hope.

 No matter what happens in our life or how worse the situation might be, we need keep that hope alive and well.

Listen to my favorite song by my fav singer Celine Dion. I love the lyrics. 

Late 30’s wisdom

Both parents going to work means trying to be in full control schedule 7/24. This means everything has to be done on time just like in prison and in a hurry every single working day. We do have our schedule in our house everyday like eating, bathing and nap/sleep times for NR but it varies on day today basis depending on his mood. He is going to have regimented life starting from school till he is going to retire and I want him to feel free at home at this age. As a family we cannot lead a day to day life filled with outburst, anger or stress.  Anger never goes well with CB, me or NR. We are quiet laid back couples and I am not sure if changing my status from SAHM to WM will go well right at this phase in our life.

I never consider myself  a feminist but if feminism means having complete financial independence and not depending on your spouse then I am a hard-core feminist. I started working when I turned twenty-three. From that time onwards I ‘ve been living off my salary and never bothered my parents financially. The same rule applies to my husband too. Last two and half years since I resigned my well-paying corporate job I’ve spent considerable portion of my savings/investments to support my financial needs/lifestyles. The money spent could have bought us a decent apartment in our home town. But I believe that money saved should come in handy in times of need. And I believe the need is “now” than during my retirement. I love to be primary care provider for my son. My husband is happy to provide for us during my current “mid life retirement” phase. I don’t bother him with my personal financial needs. And my financial life style hasn’t changed because I am SAHM.

Even after living in US for decade plus years, I am not impressed by the concept of having a crazy stressed life during the week and going out during the weekends or penny pinching on essential life style choices and then taking expensive vacations, or trying to save crazy for retirement. Quality of life matters to us. If we spend our life time going thru a stressed /busy life, I am not sure if we will be happy during our retirement.

But when we face uncertainty in job market or gets calls weekly from recruiting firms/ex-colleagues, the “working me" gets tempted to resume work.  But given a choice I would rather live in a single bed room apt than go back to work leaving NR in a day care now.

We do have an easy option of going back to India. These days I fantasize about taking a break from this western life style and going back to India and living with our parents till NR goes to school.  Yes, I fantasize about such simple pleasure in life. If I put my foot down, I can live in my fantasy world even next month but some personal situation is making me to think otherwise.  

I am tempting my husband to take his “mid life retirement" for a short time and live a quiet relaxed life in India till our son goes to school.

Edited to Add: I wrote and scheduled this post last friday when my husband had 3 days of vacation plus a weekend to spend with us.  Though NR had fever till thursday, I had a relaxed schedule each day with CB taking care of NR . We ate restaurant food when I skipped cooking.  Last week events made me think about life I will have in India with cook, maid and a driver. Sigh .

Parenting questions

Living and raising a child in a country which  is  totally different from my culture and upbringing poses many challenges. I've realised that raising a child in US is dominated by fear factor unlike in India everything is taken casually .

From  pregnancy to birth we handled many challenging situation all alone as a couple and continuing to do so.  We have handled many difficult situations and I am still paranoid like a new mother at times. Most of the time,  I make a decision based on what I saw/experienced growing up in India. My mothering is mostly influenced by my ammuma. She was an affectionate and a kind woman who never for a minute complained about her old age when it came to raising her grand-daughter. I was the one and only fortunate soul  raised by my maternal grand parents.

I try to exercise the kindness and patience with my son just like my grand mom but at times I stray away from path mostly because of tiredness. I tried to get answers how to handle certain situation just by recollecting my memories at ammuma house. I never remember being disciplined or heard angry words from her. She will explain the good deeds to me in her kind and affectionate voice. I learnt the difference between good and bad thru simple stories.

I have difficult time  accepting the western concept of “timeout/Naughty chair”  advised and exercised by most moms in US. As an adult if I make mistake, I wanted other party to come and talk to me than  to ignore me. When people offend me badly that’s when distance myself from that person because I feel “Silence is the worst punishment”.

I just can’t imagine ignoring my son when he throws tantrum or just being plain mischievous. I can make him quiet if I just hug him /hold him and say that I love him.  He feels so guilty when I say “Amma not happy” when he does something which he is not supposed to do. He gets my message right and clear. This works well both with Sr and Jr . I have all the time and patience just like my grand mom because I am a SAHM just like my grandma.

This nursery rhyme reminds me of the stories that  most of us( Indians) heard as kids explaining the simple concept of life. Thanks to amma singing this rhyme often NR loves this one.

I want NR to come and talk to me/explain things  than to   make him sit quietly in a “Naughty /time out chair”.  Aren’t we teaching about hate/punishment implicitly at this younger age?. I used to wonder why toddlers say my mom/dad/sister/brother hates me so often in this country. Personally I have never heard this "hate" word from kids (of all ages) in India especially toddlers.  

Already this world is filled with hatred and people are trying to punish each other thru violence in name of religion, caste and creed. Why should we make our kids  feel that hate so early at home ?

September Special

September has been a month which brought life changing events in my personal life.   

On a quiet day in Sep 1991 CB expressed his love for me.  On a very special day in Sep 2007 I was pleasantly surprised to hear the news that  I was seven weeks pregnant against all odds.   

And three years later, on Sep 2010, my younger brother has become a proud big daddy to a sweet ,chubby  cutie pie “MP” aka “Morai Ponnu” for NR.   

Introducing september superJodi

[caption id="attachment_1041" align="aligncenter" width="128" caption="NR2008(left)-MP2010(right)"][/caption]

 BTW we celebrated the September Fever Fest for almost a month. NR was sick on and off from beginning of this month brought on by our typical Oregon climate changing from hot to cold almost every other day. I am hoping and praying that we are done with Fever Fest.

Ganesh chathurthi and the week before

 We celebrated Ganesh chathurthi with usual vigor. Good that the festival fell on a weekend. I had the best baby sitter to take care of NR. Made the typical Ganesh chathurthi dishes mothagam, sundal , pongal and vadai. I have made it as a tradition to take pictures and to see NR compared to last two years seemed like long time. Two years ago as a six month old baby he laid on my lap during the pooja and now he was helping me with ringing the bell. We had some setbacks with his health last year but I am grateful for everything in my life now. Pillaiyar aka Ganesh has been my favorite god since childhood.  I pray everyday to him to give me strength to deal with life’s challenges.

 Earlier I was little skeptical about introducing both our religion to our future kids. With NR things fell into place and we don’t even think about that anymore. NR loves church and enthusiastic about visiting temple. The one common attraction in both the places is the “MUSIC” he loves the most. May be my secret wish might come true after all.   

I spent the Labour day weekend  lazing around the house. I found time to make some handmade gifts for my friend's birthday . I've known her for last 12 years since we moved to Portland , oregon. She was so thoughtful to bring my fav food home after my delivery. She is a great mom to three kids  one of whom is a special needs girl. I learn the love and patience from her. They are such amazing parents and her husband worked with me and CB. He had a critical role in the product development yet always found time to spend time with kids. I mean he will work throughout the night, go home in the morning when the girls wake up and help his wife and come back to office around 9.30am. He used to do this so often and he did that with good smile on his face. I and CB used to talk a lot about him and we are very fond of them.

 I always believed that god chooses such special people as  the parents for his special needs kids. They have the best heart and soul to love their kids without expecting anything in return not even an “I love u” back.

 I see many parents in the play group/play area acting like drill sergeants wanting and teaching some stuff  kids beyond their age and taking much pride in their kids skills/achievement. Thank god I didn’t have such restless parents. Kids from such household inherit their parent’s restlessness and relate achievement with self worth . They focus so  much energy on being the best among their peers and feel so unhappy no matter what they have/achieve in their life. 

When see my friend and her husband I see the kind of parents we want to learn from.  I call her every time I feel scared or afraid of something in my life. She always had time for me which is so nice of her. I’ve had people cut me off - while talking on the phone, when I make a courtesy call to say hello. I used to think why on earth I am being so good to such people. Lot of my friends and even I used to excuse myself when I have some urgent matters to attend but I''ll always make sure to call them back. I always feel reluctant to  call her knowing her schedule but every time we end up talking  for a long time.

There is nothing better than a handmade gift to say "I love u" or " I treasure you" . I made her C & C (a cake and a Clutch). Made a purple & pink cake and made a clutch with a beautiful print having purple flowers. I paid a surprise visit to her house around 8.00pm before her birthday to hand deliver her birthday gift. Special  friends gets special attention no matter how long and tiring my day was.  

 

 

 

My favourite lines from the movie "Eat, pray and love"

After three long years, I was able to watch a movie without any interruption which in turn allowed me to love some of the lines from the movie Eat , pray and love.  These are some of my favorite lines (in Italics) from the book/movie . 

"Having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face. You really need to be certain it's what you want before you commit" => So True : )

“The sweetness…of doing nothing.”  I am missing that phase of my life dearly after having a baby.

 “Morning you pray and evening you enjoy”.  I believe in god but too much god or too little of god/No God makes people opinionated, edgy and sarcastic.

 “God dwells within you, as you.” -  This is my view of god since childhood. I try my best to keep my heart and soul pure so I can keep the god within me. "Om Namah Shivaya, meaning, I honor the divinity that resides within me."

 “If you clear out all of that space in mind you would have a door way” - Well said. "Zen masters say you cannot see your reflection in running water, only in still water." When too many thought run thru our mind we tend to lose focus.  All we need is purge those unwanted thoughts to bring focus in our life. My daily prayers (conversation with god) helps me to gain that focus in my life.

 “Sometimes to lose balance for love is to keep balance in life “. This has been true in every phase of life. As child my family lost balance as one unit. My mom was in the hospital for almost two long years. Living without your mother everyday made me to appreciate the gift of life and a deeper understanding of things happening around me. I have little or no respect for people trying to take their god given precious life for their own selfish reasons.

 "Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it" – My addition to the quote “Most of times you will find it right next you “ so make people appreciate , long and value your company.  I tend to shy away from people who are unhappy and cynical about life.

 "You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight." Everybody lives to see their dreams come true someday in  life-  like getting a getting into good college, a dream job, good husband, baby, career or just living with your family close to you. When that dream changes its course it brings sadness in our life. If we try to alter/update our dreams with our current life we will bring happiness back into our life.

 This book was a huge hit because every one of us can relate to her story or experiences in someway or the other.

 I would highly recommend watching this movie. It will be more fun if you are fortunate enough to watch it with bunch of your girl friends. I missed my younger sister more when I watched this movie.

Edited to Add:

After writing this post I stumbled upon many webpages displaying Eat, Pray and love quotes. Wow. It definitely has some effect on people I say. Check out the quotes memorable from this link.

 

 

Yet another week goes by

If I have to announce my last ten days  in Sun TV style  then it goes like “Idhu Over Clingy Vaaram (The most clingy week)”. My son is finding me aka amma more delicious and appealing that he never wanted to part from me. He had cold and I thought he was coming down with fever. Phew.That never happened.  Thank god for that. He hated me spending time in kitchen and was bawling for everything. He would just hug my legs and never let me go. His cries stopped instantly when I pick him up or just be with him in the same room. Life would be really easy if I have another set of hands to help me during the day especially when NR longs for warmth and company.

I managed to sneak out last week to see Eat, Pray, love. I liked the movie. It’s kind of movie I like to watch - a chick  flick with happy ending. No fire alarms  this time and I managed to smuggle my favorite tea made by “World’s best Tea maker” aka CB.

A good friend/colleague of mine decided to drop in on Friday with her two sons.  We had good time catching up. NR and her 5 year old had good time . NR was super comfortable with him . When it was time to leave, he refused to go home and wanted to stay for couple of hours more.  I need to arrange more play dates with such 5 year old kids.  Thanks to her sweet one year old boy I relived my one year old phase with him. We had a lively Friday afternoon thanks to her and little boys.

 I seldom take naps during the day after NR’s birth. When they left around 4.00pm NR and me took a long 3 hr nap. I love such special times that  SAHM  life  gives me, cuddling NR and sleeping just like a baby. Poor Appa came home early to a quiet home.

I forced CB to go for the movie "Inception". He doesn’t take any time for himself after NR’s birth. The little guy accompanies him everywhere except for the barber shop. So, he went with our friend to “Inception” last Saturday night (after me and NR went to bed). He never liked the movie. He doesn’t like chick flicks but felt Eat, Pray and Love would have been  better choice than Inception.

We went for annual summer picnic hosted by CB's company. We have been taking NR to this picnic every year since he was just three months old baby .  NR went to nap at 3.00pm right when the picnic was due to start. We went to picnic around 6.00pm after he woke up and reached the venue right in time for the raffle.NR had great time at the park . He  loved his choo choo Train ride and the Herschell-Spillman Carrousel ride couple of times. The company provided us with deluxe bracelets so  we stayed  till the park closing hours.

And we might have scored the “IPAD” hat trick during the picnic. The grand prize for the raffle was IPAD.  CB won paid day off (the next best prize to IPAD) in the raffle just before the grand prize drawing. Momma and son are happy to have Appa to ourselves for one more day.  

I will have a relaxed phase for next three days (Labor Day long weekend) after ten days of marathon clinging by NR. I’ll have another set of hands – his loving appa who is eager and willing to spend every waking minute with his son. And that gives Amma her  needed “ME” time to do some special project this weekend.

Have fun filled Labor Day weekend.