Wishing you all Very Happy, Peaceful and Prosperous New year 2010

(photo by CS  - Portland Japanese Garden - Oregon ,circa 2006)

Christmas has arrived

Christmas has arrived in SeeSeeBee household . We finished putting up /decorating the Christmas tree last sunday. CB hung the  outdoor lights during the thanksgiving weekend.

We decided to have the christmas tree alone this year instead of decorating the entire house keeping NR in mind. Due to my concerns with safety, I was planning to buy a table top christmas tree this year instead of our usual 12 ft tree .  But papa went ahead and assembled the tree on sat while mama and the baby slept . I stayed late on sunday to finish the decorating . oh boy! I wish  I had help with putting up hundreds of decorations on the tree.  I am waiting for NR to grow up and be my assistant during holiday decoration time.

I had the same tree ,the same old decorations for past ten years. New exciting addition is our in-house christmas tree fan - NR loves watching the christmas tree especially when it is lit. We watch the tree sitting our stairs for ten minutes after his nap for last two days. He  runs often to our den to check on the christmas tree/ lights .  We have put up a gate in the den to block NR reaching for his fav " baol  aka ball " - red and golden ornaments hanging in the tree.

Presenting SeeSeebee Christmas tree

United colors of Benetton Ad

I was thinking about Benetton ads for kids wear this week.  I loved those Benetton ads from 1896-87 specially ones for babies wear. Benetton ads set a standard for creating ads for a social cause. Benetton ads gave glimpse of fashionable western outfits during my teen years.

We got  Srilankan TV "Rupavahini " broadcast at our home if we changed antenna's position/direction.   I immensely enjoyed the entire Tamil program in Rupavahini TV as well the Sinhalese programs. They had such superior/classy ads including lot of ads for foreign products from western/gulf countries.  The news anchors wore fashionable clothing compared to dab /dull news anchors of Doordharshan TV.  I was an official Rupavahini TV fan.

I had couple of Srilankan tamil friends join my class in mid 1980's during the big influx of refugees from Srilanka. Some of them decided to pursue studies in TamilNadu due to the unrest.

I remember one of my friends Satyavani who looked sad all the time.  She and her younger sister had an individual hostel room unlike other students who lived in general dormitory. Her father was well known jeweler in Colombo and the store  ads aired very often in Srilankan tamil radio. He was killed and the family sent their kids to India for safety.  Both Satyavani and her sister Kalaivani always looked sad atleast for the first couple years after joining my school. Post traumatic stress was unknown word to me at that time and I never understood reason behind their sadness.  Slowly they got used to their new place and they settled in my hometown after their college years.

I got my first taste of  ”Wrigleys” chewing gum thanks to Satyavani. Foreign choclates or products were not so easily available in those days in my hometown. After couple of years Burma bazaar was established in the downtown and my hometown got flooded with foreign goods.

England /America were a distant land during my teen years. Only my Anglo Indian friends talked about them a lot and gave glimpse of western wear/lifestyles. Not even in my wildest dreams I thought about living and working in one of those foreign land Destiny drives our life and it can takes us to places and situation we never imagined.

 

Found

Found I found my dearest friend from college after 18 yrs. She is tamilian born and brought up in Bihar. Her grandparents were from small town near my native place. Her extended family lived in city where I grew up. She came to my city to pursue her bachelors. We became very good friends. She is a warm, kindly and friendly gal. We never ever knew or imagined that we will be out of each other’s life for this many years but it happened.

We were two good friends like good old times.  She was also my NCC batch mate. I could relate to her completely except one thing.  She is a good-looking girl who never cared about how she looked or what she dressed. Though I never cared about how I looked, but paid much attention to my dressing. I had lot of fan following in the college but I never gave any importance to my appearance then or now.

After our finals she came and stayed in my house for couple of days before leaving for Ranchi. I vividly remember those days. I felt sad to see her go and not be part of my daily life.   When I see the photos we took on the day she left for Ranchi, I could sense my empty feeling. I cried so much because I somehow knew then (I suppose) that we will out of each other's life for many years to come. We both exchanged a couple of post mails (pre cell phone – email era). The last time I heard from her was when her sister got married. Due to personal circumstance I was not able to travel at that time . I continued my graduate course in my native and met my husband. He became my best friend – I should say replaced my best friend’s absence and the rest became history.

 I went to Chennai the following year to continue graduate course and got settled down with a job right after college. My marriage happened and destiny brought me to this distant land of US of A. I searched for her frantically in every possible social networking sites and college social networking sites. I would Google her maiden name religiously every single week but with vain. Her parent’s sibling(s) lived in my native city but I only remember their first names. They both worked as lecturer(s) in the physics department in a local college. In the month of September I found  that college website. The physics dept listed  the resume of the professors with address/phone numbers.  I found this around 12.30pm one night and began making cold calls to couple of professors. Luck would have it, I found a professor who knew her uncle. I came know that both her uncles have retired. He promised to find her uncle’s phone number. We exchanged our emails addresses.

He struck to his promise. Three days after the first contact he forwarded one of her uncle’s phone number. I read this email around 1.00pm after a long day of chores. I made marathon phone calls to couple of her relatives finally got her phone number. I called her around 3.30 pm (India time). Her husband answered the phone. When I said my name I could hear/feel  his enthusiasm.  I knew instantly my friend was also thinking about me all these years. Her husband told me that she talked a lot about me the previous week. When I heard her soft voice I was in heaven. At last, I heard my friend’s voice after almost two decades. That was one of the best moments of my life. This really strengthened my faith in god.

We talked for a long time. It so happened that her big birthday was due few days after my first phone call.  I was happy to take  part in her birthday celebration. She is still the simple person both within and out.  She is very smart and intelligent person. She comes from a family which has two of the noble laureate in physics. I thought that she would be working in US or abroad. Surprisingly she has chosen a life I wanted to live. She has married a high-ranking army official and became SAHM taking care of her two lovely kids. She was pleasantly surprised to know that a simple religious Hindu girl had so much of courage to marry a Christian guy. Oh well!  She was not alone. All my college friends were pleasantly surprised after seeing my marriage invitation: ). She often said that the person going to marry me is a lucky guy. I never bothered to ask her why. May be now is the time ; ).

September 2009 is a memorable month for me.  I am fortunate to meet my long-lost  friend after 18 years. I am eagerly waiting for my next India trip to meet her /family in person.

Lost

I lost a good friend of 9 yrs and her son to a murder suicide last month. Both mama and son were inseparable duo and her husband was a quiet soft spoken person. I got introduced to her by a mutual friend. She ran a home based beauty salon and she lived in my neighborhood. I watched the local evening news and couldn’t believe seeing yellow tape around her car at her house on TV. I ran to her house immediately and got the worst news. I was in disbelief  and sat down on the cold road in front of her house crying.  The whole indian community is in shock hearing this news since most of them were her customers. She was so good in her job and had a loyal following. She was a warm person and made every body feel happy when we went to her home and kept such clean house.

I went thru the first stages of mourning with anger and tears. It’s been almost three weeks and not a day /hour goes by without thinking about her and her dear son. We three had such good time at her house when I visited them two weeks before this ghastly incident. Never ever saw any signs of domestic abuse or violence not once. She always said to me she was lucky to have such husband. Don’t know what drove him to take such violence on the people he loved and cared the most. Even if come to know why it happened it doesn't matter since I am not going to get my dear friend back.

Last winter we had worst snow storm for two weeks with  3- 4 ft of snow on the roads.  I wanted to get my face and hair done at least a week before our travel but we stayed indoors due to worst snow storm .When I got 2 hr break the night before my trip, I called her and got an last minute appt . It usually takes 5 minutes to drive up to her house; instead it took more than 30 minutes due to the heavy accumulation of snow on the roads. When I tried to stop the car lost control and slid like a toy car. While trying to control the car, I thought of 8.5 months old NR and I cursed myself for taking a stupid decision of driving out that night. I was able to park the car 4 houses down the road . I almost fell down thrice walking on the icy pavements. After my appt, my sweet, sweet friend V sensed my nervousness and decided (forced me) to go with me to my car stating she had winter boots which has good traction than my shoes. We walked like little girls holding hands, giggling, joking and managing take one step at a time. When we reached my car, we both realized that I’d left her New Year’s gift for NR back at her home. I was in a hurry to return home to feed NR but she pleaded me to wait. She walked back to her house and brought back the diaper bag she wanted me to carry during my India trip. And I did .I am going to treasure thatbag since it has my friend’s touch and love. I am praying to god to give me strength to bear her absence.

Everyday when I look at myself in the mirror, I think to myself I need to call V to get appt for eyebrows. Then the news of her death sinks in and cry to my heart’s content. NR senses my grief and sadness. When he spots tears rolling down my eyes, he reaches for me. His little hands wrapping my shoulders warms me. I am happy and thankful that we had such good time when I met her for the last time with her dear son R. I still feel their warm hugs and happy good byes.

I went to their funeral and was not able to say good bye . Not sure when I will. How do say goodbye to a good friend? Dear R betah, C mausi misses you and your mom so much. Hope you are both in a warm ,secure and happy place.

The one , in which I understood my husband completely

I am blessed with a good man in my life. But there are times when I feel so unloved .  Those are not the moments created by CB but by his family . I used to wonder if he really loved me since he is not standing up for me .  Till today I don't feel respected or loved by his family though his interpretation is different.  It is not the usual in-laws and daughter in laws  stuff in my case but something very stealthy which people will never understand except me and my close family members. They see what I see ,they feel what I feel.

We rarely fight but when we argue( I should say "I" because he never argues with me) it is always about how sad /angry or offended I am with his family behaviours towards me.  Though he clearly and completely understands and sees the issue he would never ever mount into angry words against his family or agrees with me. He would always gives very peaceful point of view and tries to soothe me. At this point I get so angry and get so emotional and utter all filmi dialogues like a six-year-old kid :) .

But watching this short film today I felt so emotional I understood why CB behaves that way . He is a good son and good human being blessed with loving soul.  I understood the reason behind his calm and collected mood  in all the emotional situation involving his family. He sees them for  who they are  and not  for what they do . The apologetic look on his face during emotional situation makes me forgive the people he loves who cause so much grief at times.  

He is a typical son who would have patiently answered his dad all the time with love and hugged his parents just like the father in this film. On the other hand I am the typical son in the film getting angry , annoyed or arguing with my parents because I expect them to take care of me or treat me like a kid and fail to understood they have done enough of that already.   I wish I can grow up and be mature like my husband.