Living your life

I read this beautiful story from a blog post  yesterday. Just like my philosophy on life . Take it slow and halt when needed to enjoy the things in my life.

 " A management consultant, on holiday in a African fishing village, watched a little fishing boat dock at the quayside. Noting the quality of the fish, the consultant asked the fisherman how long it had taken to catch them.

"Not very long." answered the fisherman.

"Then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the consultant. The fisherman explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.
The consultant asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, have an afternoon's rest under a coconut tree. In the evenings, I go into the community hall to see my friends, have a few beers, play the drums, and sing a few songs..... I have a full and happy life." replied the fisherman.

The consultant ventured, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you...... You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have a large fleet. Instead of selling your fish to a middleman, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to a city here or maybe even in the United Kingdom, from where you can direct your huge enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the fisherman.

"Oh, ten, maybe twenty years." replied the consultant.

"And after that?" asked the fisherman.

"After that? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the consultant, laughing, "When your business gets really big, you can start selling shares in your company and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" pressed the fisherman.

"After that you'll be able to retire, move out to a small village by the sea, sleep in late every day, spend time with your family, go fishing, take afternoon naps under a coconut tree, and spend relaxing evenings havings drinks with friends..."

" That's what i,m doing right now", said the fisherman and went his way.

Hope

What  an amazing day today watching each Chilean miner come out of the tunnel to the ground. The relief and happiness displayed on everybody face around them was priceless to watch.

As rightly said by the famous chilean journalist/reporter - From this day chile will no longer be remembered for the military coup led by General Augusto Pinochet Ugarte but for this miraculous rescue effort.

• For Atheists this day symbolizes the power of man and technology


• For billions of people who believe in God this day symbolizes power of prayer and strengthened our Faith.  It was amazing to watch an entire country praying for miners.

              " More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of " ( a  line from Morte D Arthur)

But for all, this day symbolizes the power of Hope.

 No matter what happens in our life or how worse the situation might be, we need keep that hope alive and well.

Listen to my favorite song by my fav singer Celine Dion. I love the lyrics. 

Late 30’s wisdom

Both parents going to work means trying to be in full control schedule 7/24. This means everything has to be done on time just like in prison and in a hurry every single working day. We do have our schedule in our house everyday like eating, bathing and nap/sleep times for NR but it varies on day today basis depending on his mood. He is going to have regimented life starting from school till he is going to retire and I want him to feel free at home at this age. As a family we cannot lead a day to day life filled with outburst, anger or stress.  Anger never goes well with CB, me or NR. We are quiet laid back couples and I am not sure if changing my status from SAHM to WM will go well right at this phase in our life.

I never consider myself  a feminist but if feminism means having complete financial independence and not depending on your spouse then I am a hard-core feminist. I started working when I turned twenty-three. From that time onwards I ‘ve been living off my salary and never bothered my parents financially. The same rule applies to my husband too. Last two and half years since I resigned my well-paying corporate job I’ve spent considerable portion of my savings/investments to support my financial needs/lifestyles. The money spent could have bought us a decent apartment in our home town. But I believe that money saved should come in handy in times of need. And I believe the need is “now” than during my retirement. I love to be primary care provider for my son. My husband is happy to provide for us during my current “mid life retirement” phase. I don’t bother him with my personal financial needs. And my financial life style hasn’t changed because I am SAHM.

Even after living in US for decade plus years, I am not impressed by the concept of having a crazy stressed life during the week and going out during the weekends or penny pinching on essential life style choices and then taking expensive vacations, or trying to save crazy for retirement. Quality of life matters to us. If we spend our life time going thru a stressed /busy life, I am not sure if we will be happy during our retirement.

But when we face uncertainty in job market or gets calls weekly from recruiting firms/ex-colleagues, the “working me" gets tempted to resume work.  But given a choice I would rather live in a single bed room apt than go back to work leaving NR in a day care now.

We do have an easy option of going back to India. These days I fantasize about taking a break from this western life style and going back to India and living with our parents till NR goes to school.  Yes, I fantasize about such simple pleasure in life. If I put my foot down, I can live in my fantasy world even next month but some personal situation is making me to think otherwise.  

I am tempting my husband to take his “mid life retirement" for a short time and live a quiet relaxed life in India till our son goes to school.

Edited to Add: I wrote and scheduled this post last friday when my husband had 3 days of vacation plus a weekend to spend with us.  Though NR had fever till thursday, I had a relaxed schedule each day with CB taking care of NR . We ate restaurant food when I skipped cooking.  Last week events made me think about life I will have in India with cook, maid and a driver. Sigh .

Parenting questions

Living and raising a child in a country which  is  totally different from my culture and upbringing poses many challenges. I've realised that raising a child in US is dominated by fear factor unlike in India everything is taken casually .

From  pregnancy to birth we handled many challenging situation all alone as a couple and continuing to do so.  We have handled many difficult situations and I am still paranoid like a new mother at times. Most of the time,  I make a decision based on what I saw/experienced growing up in India. My mothering is mostly influenced by my ammuma. She was an affectionate and a kind woman who never for a minute complained about her old age when it came to raising her grand-daughter. I was the one and only fortunate soul  raised by my maternal grand parents.

I try to exercise the kindness and patience with my son just like my grand mom but at times I stray away from path mostly because of tiredness. I tried to get answers how to handle certain situation just by recollecting my memories at ammuma house. I never remember being disciplined or heard angry words from her. She will explain the good deeds to me in her kind and affectionate voice. I learnt the difference between good and bad thru simple stories.

I have difficult time  accepting the western concept of “timeout/Naughty chair”  advised and exercised by most moms in US. As an adult if I make mistake, I wanted other party to come and talk to me than  to ignore me. When people offend me badly that’s when distance myself from that person because I feel “Silence is the worst punishment”.

I just can’t imagine ignoring my son when he throws tantrum or just being plain mischievous. I can make him quiet if I just hug him /hold him and say that I love him.  He feels so guilty when I say “Amma not happy” when he does something which he is not supposed to do. He gets my message right and clear. This works well both with Sr and Jr . I have all the time and patience just like my grand mom because I am a SAHM just like my grandma.

This nursery rhyme reminds me of the stories that  most of us( Indians) heard as kids explaining the simple concept of life. Thanks to amma singing this rhyme often NR loves this one.

I want NR to come and talk to me/explain things  than to   make him sit quietly in a “Naughty /time out chair”.  Aren’t we teaching about hate/punishment implicitly at this younger age?. I used to wonder why toddlers say my mom/dad/sister/brother hates me so often in this country. Personally I have never heard this "hate" word from kids (of all ages) in India especially toddlers.  

Already this world is filled with hatred and people are trying to punish each other thru violence in name of religion, caste and creed. Why should we make our kids  feel that hate so early at home ?

September Special

September has been a month which brought life changing events in my personal life.   

On a quiet day in Sep 1991 CB expressed his love for me.  On a very special day in Sep 2007 I was pleasantly surprised to hear the news that  I was seven weeks pregnant against all odds.   

And three years later, on Sep 2010, my younger brother has become a proud big daddy to a sweet ,chubby  cutie pie “MP” aka “Morai Ponnu” for NR.   

Introducing september superJodi

[caption id="attachment_1041" align="aligncenter" width="128" caption="NR2008(left)-MP2010(right)"][/caption]

 BTW we celebrated the September Fever Fest for almost a month. NR was sick on and off from beginning of this month brought on by our typical Oregon climate changing from hot to cold almost every other day. I am hoping and praying that we are done with Fever Fest.