On faith and miracle

• Two young people met in college and became good friends. The relationship began based on the respect they had for each other and the values in life they shared.


• They got married after starting a successful career with blessings from family and friends. They became couple .It's the spirituality that formed the foundation of their relationship though they hailed from different religion.


• They planned to start the family after couple years, the girl thought after fifth anniversary.


• After fifth anniversary they wanted to have a baby.


• The sixth, seventh, eighth anniversaries came. The girl was pressured, cornered, emotionally blackmailed and at times to a degree even humiliated by certain family members and friends who have had babies.


• They were spiritual partners so they believed in leading a life that god has planned for them. She never wanted to seek the help from doctors. She believed that god has a plan for them. She adamantly struck to her belief.


• The girl believed in her heart she is going to have a baby but when? She believed only time will tell. She even joked with her sisters that she doesn’t want to become tabloid news like this.


• After tenth anniversary the girl mentally prepared to give up that dream of becoming a biological mother but to pursue the path of adoption. This was the only demand she had with her boyfriend during their courtship days that she wanted to adopt a baby no matter how many kids they might have in future.


• He was in it too but not yet ready to give up that dream. The girl’s mother visited them for their 10^th anniversary. They visited their parents that year.


• The girl’s ageing father had couple of accidents that year that made him sicker. She saw her strong father who drove 15 kms everyday to the farm land at the ripe old age of 73 struggling to walk.


• It became surreal that there was a good possibility that he might not see her children. She started to rethink about seeking help from doctors but still very reluctant. With the blessings of god she had a happy, peaceful life till that point.


• Her elder sister remarked even if you seek medical help, only if god wishes you'll have a baby. That made sense to her. Her younger sister was praying a million times for this miracle to happen.


• The astrologers had been suggesting them to go Rameswaram temple. Neither the family nor the girl believed in astrology but decided to give a try . After all she is going to put her faith in a doctor  why not her  beloved god?


• The girl absolutely detests forcing her opinions on husband/sisters/family/friends. The guy was very happy to heed to the advice of the elders in the family.


• This was their first journey as couple to a Hindu temple outside her home town after marriage though during every visit back home, they have gone to all famous catholic shrines in Tamil Nadu with her in-laws.


• The girl’s sister and brother in law happily drove them to Rameswaram and made all arrangement for the pooja and rituals.


• She felt the blessings when they took dip in holy wells and shared her feelings only with her younger sister.


• They returned home and resumed their routine life. She made an appointment to meet the doctor after two months. She met the doctors for a brief twenty minutes and discussed the plan.


• The doctor suggested taking a course of pills for six weeks to control her PCOS. She found about PCOS a year earlier during her visit to India.


• She had to take three pills a day but even taking just one pill made her life miserable. The doctor recommended them to try naturally for six months, if it is not successful then start the IUI. She refused the six month option and opted to go for IUI from the first month. Why not, they have already tried for 11 years.


• She was also working on couple of projects with 13 hours days almost daily. And she was working remotely with her team  in three US cities and in UK.


• This meant she was on phone, IM and video conference many times a day.  And she has to excuse herself many times to use the rest room. The pills were making her work life hard.


• She was not able to take the recommended dosage after trying for a month and half.Her doctor refused to start her treatment unless she completed her six weeks pill schedule.


• Being a professional, she worked on her projects till the release date .Then she applied for Leave of absence. The HR recommended medical leave instead of LOA ,which meant she will get her full salary for the three months. First good sign.


• She was able to complete her recommended dosage. She never realized that getting fertility treatments meant the patient initiating every process unlike in India.


• She got her monthly cycle and called her nurse to ask for the next course action. The nurse did not want to start the treatments without consulting the doctors since the doctor was on two weeks vacation. The girl got so frustrated at the phase the things were going.


• The nurse recommended a HSG procedure. The treatments would start only next cycle. This meant her ten weeks medical leave would end by the time they start the real process like taking ovulation pills, checking for ovulation and going in for IUI.


• The girl didn't get any information about HSG procedure during initial consultation. The HSG procedure has to done on 6^th -10^th day of the cycle and she called the nurse exactly on the sixth day just on a whim. The second good sign.


• They scheduled the HSG in a lab near her home on the eighth day. They went to the lab only to find the HSG machine has broken down. The only option was to get an appointment in the lab at the other side of her city. They also informed her it will be impossible to get the appointment on her 10^th day since all the patients with cancelled appointment were trying to get one.


• She got the appointment on her 10^th day from the lab on the other side of the city due to cancellation. Another good sign.


• The lady doctor at the lab looked different from any doctors she had seen before. She was in her sixties wearing a long skirt and had a long hair up to her knees just like her ammuma(grandmother).


• After the test the doctor casually mentioned that lot of woman got pregnant after HSG procedure. The girl smiled back at the doctor and told her that their 11^th anniversary is due in two days. They waited for such miracle to happen for eleven years. The nurse said may be this is their lucky year. The fourth good sign.


• They received such kind words and blessings from many unknown people that year. Everybody seems to bless and pray for them.


• In preparation for the IUI, they have already stocked the medicine cabinet with ovulation kits. The girl was curious to try one, for the first time though she really believed she would ovulate only with the help of ovulation pills.


• She called the nurse and got all the needed information. She started checking her ovulation.


• To her amazement she was ovulating. She was overwhelmed with joy. All these years she believed that she was not ovulating and believed that to be the reason for not getting pregnant.


• They went ahead and did the deed. They have been trying this for many years just using the dates. This time she used the ovulation kit. She had no expectation but she was preparing herself emotionally for upcoming monthly drill/treatments.


• They used the time off well and went around the city. They dined in all fine restaurants and visited places. She knew her medical leave was ending soon and she deserved this break after six long months of putting 13 hour days.


• One day the husband bought a bottle of wine home for the first time. He drinks wine rarely and only when he dines with his best friends. She doesn’t even drink soda.


• He asked her to taste the wine and she did . It tasted like sparkling grape juice her favourite drink. He had added plenty of sugar in the wine just for her to like it :). She liked it and took couple of sips.


• When she woke up next day she felt so dizzy. She felt like being dropped from an aircraft. She experienced this on and off since the PCOS pills lowered her sugar levels.


• But this day, it never went away. In her naïve (stupid) mind she thought she was having a hang over. She sat on the loo for more than twenty minutes fearing she might fall and hit the floor. She cursed herself for drinking the wine the previous night.


• She managed to get up to make a call to her husband. Thank god for voice calling option. She was not able to look and dial the numbers since her eyes were rolling uncontrollably.


• Husband came and took her to the ER. The first question they asked was “Are you pregnant?. She said they were trying for the baby.


• They took the pregnancy test which came negative. She saw her PCP after few days and he referred her to the ENT specialist. She had dizziness episode for next five days.


• Couple of weeks went by with ENT visits and long list of Ear related tests in different hospitals. The husband had to take off lot of his vacation time to take her to the tests.


• The doctor recommended seven more weeks of medical leave which was granted immediately.


• The ENT diagnosed the problem as " Vertigo" and recommended physical therapy.


• She went for two sessions. By this time she was ready to resume her fertility treatments.


• As per the plan, the doctor wanted her to stop the birth control pills but to take another set of new pills to induce periods. She called the nurse on Friday requesting for the prescription to be sent to her pharmacy.


• The nurse asked the usual question “Are you pregnant?  She narrated the ER episode.


• The nurse asked her check again using in home pregnancy kit and call her next Monday.


• She quietly went to the drugstore Saturday and bought the PTK (pregnancy test kit) and decided to check it next day.


• She knew this drill very well. She did her pregnancy tests before the start of the monthly pill cycle for many years.


• That Sunday morning was no different. She did the test with first urine of the day. She waited for the results impatiently since she wanted to brew a cup of tea. It was a cold day. 


• She checked the results only to see two lines which meant positive for pregnancy. She thought she had bad test kit. She planned to test it again next day just in case. She didn’t want to share this news with her husband thinking this was a false alarm.


• She had mentally, physically and financially prepared herself to give at least two years to get the positive news.


• Because she heard such time line from other women she had met at the fertility clinic. Every one of them had gone for few rounds of IUI then went with IVF.


• She had friends who tried for IVF three or four times but with no luck. She has seen them go through the agony of physical, emotional and financial pain. She did everything in her power to help her friends to heal physically and emotionally. Thatswhy, whenever she hears or reads callous remarks against IVF her heart cringes. She wished such people knew the pain of losing hope, dreams and something so precious to your heart.  


• She thought about the results throughout that day but she kept hopes low. After all just three weeks earlier the doctors in the ER had told her she was not pregnant.


• That night she could not stop herself from telling her husband. He ran to bathroom to see the test. He confirmed it and was happy. They both had a long night.


• On Monday the test came positive once again. She called her nurse whom she has never met in person, to convey the news. All she heard was a loud shriek. Even she herself was not that excited because she still didn’t believe the result.


• She was asked to go the nearest hospital immediately for a blood draw to test her pregnancy.


• The pregnancy was once again confirmed by the hospital. She waited anxiously for her husband to reach home to share the happiest news of their life.


• When she shared the news they both broke down and cried. They were waiting for this miracle to happen for eleven years.

MIRACLES DO HAPPEN. All we need is to pray and keep that hope alive.  We surrendered our faith to god and waited for his plan to be revealed to us. It was revealed on one perfect day in September of 2007. 

I wanted to write this post since NR birth just for one reason. To give hope and peace to any woman sitting alone in her bed after a failed IVF or miscarriage and asking god "why?".

I read the following lines from a book "When bad things happen to good people" when I was in my 11th grade which struck with me forever.

"Life is a like a beautiful Embroidery.The backside of the embroidery has mangled threads with many knots to make a beautiful pattern on the front. Good and hard times are like the front and backside of the embroidery.  With faith we can see the that hard times like the knots happens to make our life beautiful and fulfilling like the beautiful pattern on the front.

Later on my dad who is not a medical professional shared the knowledge that when new life gets created in a woman’s womb, body pumps more blood to her uterus and creates dizziness. And the modern pregnancy kits was not able to confirm this but I am sure an old experienced mid wife would have confirmed by checking my pulse.

 The day I felt dizzy was the day my kochu kuttan began his journey as a new life into this world. He turned three this month. I pray and wish him a blessed  long , happy , healthy and peaceful life . We are also hoping and praying for another miracle in his life.